This piece is the first of a short daily series. I’ll be documenting my experience of putting myself on a week-long diet to reduce my phone use. On each day of the coming week, I’ll publish a short reflection on how it went.
Thursday 9 February
In a moment of clarity and determination, I’ve just deleted or disabled my most frequently used apps from my phone. I no longer have access to -
My email app (Gmail)
Video apps, such as YouTube and Netflix
Music apps, such as YouTube Music and Spotify
Listening apps, such as Audible and Google Podcasts
Social media apps, such as Instagram and Pinterest
It was rash of me to take such extreme action. I hadn’t planned to do it. But I’ve been feeling fed up with my phone (or, more accurately, with my relationship with my phone) for a while and it suddenly seemed the right time to take some action.
Why Would I Delete all of those Apps?
I thought I had control of my phone use. I put it away when I’m with other people. I rarely post on social media so I’m not continually checking likes and comments. I’ve never downloaded Candy Crush.
I may not fit the stereotype yet, I’ve realised, I am, to some degree, addicted.
Since I work mostly from home, I’m on my own a lot. A shy introvert, I’m very content by myself but I’ve noticed that I’ve become dependent on my phone to keep me entertained. A lot of the work I do is repetitive and understimulating so I use my phone to relieve my boredom. I get twitchy if I’m doing something monotonous. like hanging the washing or administrative work, without earbuds in my ears. That twitchiness has been my clue that I’m more dependent on my phone than I thought. I’m intentional about what I listen to and I select quality content but I’m decreasingly present for whatever it is that I’m doing. I’ve even started listening to podcasts to get to sleep at night.
This afternoon, I’ve been waiting for an email to arrive and have “just checked” to see if it’s in my inbox at every pause while cooking dinner (about every 3 minutes). Tonight, I’m feeling unusually anxious as I have a lot of balls in the air at the moment and my plans for my son’s birthday party are coming undone. I don’t think my phone is causing the anxiety but it’s not helping. The compulsive checking is adding to my jitteriness.
These are the main ways my addiction shows up, though I haven’t called it “addiction” until now. If I’m honest with myself, something’s been whispering to me for a long while, telling me to give myself more mental space. It’s been nudging at me to stop “just checking” my apps so frequently and filling silences with audio content. I can feel that my brain has been gradually changed by my phone use and I’m losing control. It’s constantly on the search for digital distraction. And distraction from real life is a key characteristic of addiction.
Yet I don’t really have anything I need to be distracted from. I’m distracting myself from a beautiful life. With earbuds in my ears, though, I miss the twitter of (real) birds as I hang the washing and the satisfaction of ticking off completed work tasks. And what about stillness? If inner peace is my aim for the year, how am I to experience that if I constantly fill my brain with external content? I can’t hear myself because I have the volume of the online world turned up too high. (Not to mention my tinnitus and age-related hearing loss - having buds in my ears so much can’t be good for them.)
The Rules
I don’t feel the need to go cold turkey from my phone and I do need to be contactable, especially for my work and family. So I’m not going to be locking my phone in a safe for a week. My plan is to eliminate my particular obsession points long enough to break my addiction to them. If I was on a weight-loss diet, I’d still need to eat. On my phone diet, I’ll still need access to my phone but I’m cutting out the highly-addictive ultra-processed foods.
Messaging apps aren’t a problem for me and people need to be able to get in contact so I’ve left them on my phone. I’ll use my laptop when I want to check my email, watch a video or peruse social media. There’s something more intentional about doing these things if you have to put in a little more time and effort doing them. You have to “be bothered” going to a device, waiting for it to wake and navigating to what you want rather than getting almost instant access as you do on a phone.
My Phone Diet Rules
No listening to podcasts, audiobooks or videos.
I can only check emails, watch videos or look at social media on my laptop.
If I’m struggling to sleep, I must try falling asleep without listening to anything first. If I really can’t get to sleep, I can listen to a guided visualisation.
I’m hoping one week will be enough to unhook myself. After that, I’ll selectively reload some apps back onto my phone because, in small quantities, I do think they add value. I’ll need to set myself some strict rules, written down, when it comes to that.
How I Think I’ll Fare
I’ll admit, I'm nervous. I’m most nervous about tolerating the twitchy feeling I get when going for a walk or doing housework without the company of an audiobook or podcast. I think those will be the hardest moments. I’ll only have myself and my boredom.
I think I’ll feel relieved and more relaxed not “having to” monitor my email inbox so closely.
As easy as it is to pick up my phone and scroll Instagram while waiting for my sons to finish school or football practice, I don’t think I’ll miss social media. I might actually read the book I usually take out with me but rarely pick up.
I’ve left Substack on my phone. It’ll be nice to have more time to read the publications I’ve subscribed to. But I’ll monitor how I feel. If I get that dry, disinterested compulsion that characterises addiction for me, it’ll have to go but I’ll still be able to access it on my laptop.
Tonight, I feel resolved. Let’s see how I’m feeling about it all at this time tomorrow.
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This year, I have consciously not been so quick to put a podcast on to occupy my mind during monotonous or unenjoyable tasks. It's given me more time to process my own thoughts and be present. When I do listen to podcasts now, I appreciate them more. I'm looking forward to your updates and I hope that by the end of the week you'll be closer to finding the balance that's right for you. xx